This is the place where I put down my thoughts. The thought box. The place the think outside of the tabs and margins, where there are no errors. Rhymes inside of rhymes. A triple bypass, having it on your heart. All these thoughts and all this time. The idea that even though things are ok the way they are now they would be ok if they were not this way in the future. But knowing the way things are now, knowing that things are a certain and specific way is what makes the now now and what scares us. What makes us edgy when thinking about the future is all the blank space between now and then that we must live in order to reach the place where things would be ok even if they weren't they way they are now. That is the passage of time, the life, markers on a log or rock or some such trifle. The good times always come at the end of the long hot sticky times that you thought were supposed to be good. In the cycle of time I am constantly misplacing and misappropriating the things that I recall as happy. I am lowering my expectations constantly in an ever escalating battle to find true happiness in the mundane routines and underappreciated overlooked banality of a self indlugent and self admittely uninspiring unimportant individual. This is fueled by drugs, the drug of sugar. And I do know about addiction. My grandparents were addicted to drinking alcohol, my father is addicted to work, myself, I am constantly in delivery.
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