I in Box

I live my life inside. I live inside myself and I keep myself inside. And I will never ever stop this. There will never be an out of doors for me. Becuase in order for there to be an out of doors, there must be a door to go out of. And the closing of that door only begins the search for another door, to know what is on the other side of that door, and to shut myself inside it. Born in a door jam. That is why for me the weather is a diversion. That is why rain and sun and wind are all of the same novelty, not actually effecting my daily life in any way. The weather can no longer make me sick or influence my mood. It is only a detail, an interesting feature of a day that is defined by the steady beat of work, play, sleep. The balance is so perfect and so infallable that even mother natures punishing sluice from the sky cannot dissuade me from my lazer like focus on the quickest possible passage of time in the first part of my day, the maximum possible enjoyment of the second part of my day, and the total oblivion to the meaning and cause of the third part of my day. There is no weather inside an ant colony, so that is where this must be. That is where I am living. An ant colony without a Queen. Because I am she, she is I. And when I die they will put me in a box and bury me inside, under the dirt.