We all have anxiety. Sometimes when I take a shower I am anxious I might slip and fall and bloody myself, which would completely negate the cleaning properties of showering. In this way the anxiety I feel about everyday life is less a state of confused nervousness than a statement on the meaninglessness of life. I don't necessarily fear the slipping in the shower as much as I fear that by bloodying myself I would have wasted my time in the shower. And such it is with life. I don't fear the retribution of enemies as much as I fear my own cowardice in the face of aggressive friendship, slipping into old habits and regressing. So what can one do? Are drugs ever an answer or is the temporary relief from the pressure of daily life to advance and grow always negated by the hangover and the yearning for a return to that inebriated state. You knew it was fake when you were in it, so why does the return to reality feel so crushing? I think I need to scuba dive, that's real pressure. I doubt the pressures that I feel in this highly fales environment are comparable to the weight of thousnads of cubic feet or turbid water pressing down on every inch of my person. Imagine being a bat ray or a mooray eel. Anyways, life is a drug and if I took the same attitude of determined examination to my state of being while under the influence of mind altering agents to the completely morose normalcy of sitting on my ass in front of a computer avoiding studying for an important test I may learn something important about the nature of being alive. Goddamnit I wish there was sauce in this seltzer water.
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