I was eating a subway sandwich today (no this is not poetry) and it occured to me; me, this tastes like you. How do you mean I said, internally and I was answered by sweet onion sauce and dry yet greasy pepporoni. Aha, of course; bland but funky. The mustard and tartar sauce were ever so clear now, they were ever so clear ever since then. I am a subway sandwich. I cater to the people. the african people, the indian people, the russian lady with a fur hat who sat across from me at the table and stared at me while i stared out the window. She smelled like tuna and oil. But you know what made todays visit to subway so spectacular and special, so unique and turbulent? no, it was not because it was the first time in a while, no it was not because it was the first time in history that i made my five dollar foot long into a meal including chips of the oniony creamy variety and a drink which I refilled twice the first time with dr. pepper and the second time with orange soda NO! it was none of these things so stop thinking them! It was not because i ordered my spicy italian combination on a honey oat bread and chose to add swiss cheese, lettuce onions and tomatoes and olives and pepprocinis and for this first time in history chose to call my pepporcinis yellow peppers instead of their god and italian given name NO! goddamit it was not these fucking things so stop with the goddam questions already. My friends, today was a perfect and impefect at the same time unique trip to the subway sandwiches store because it was the first time in our long and storied history that I went there completely without hunger. I was not driven there by hunger. And no, nor was I driven there by the thoughts of a cheap and relatively filling meal. I went there from habit, from apathy, I went to be with the people, the sandwich at 230 on a friday eating people, the smelly people and the skinny people. The people who in all reality should be eating somewhere better and the people who take too long and act like they've never been to subway before and the system baffles them. my friend in front of me, the system is ever so simple, so self evident and you a bumbling imbecile. You simply point and talk in loud and clear english that yes you do in deed want the olives. They are free. And when you fail to do so, you cause traffic. The most human of all conditions, traffic is a tragedy. People traffic, caused by opening doors, pulled out chairs mid stream changing minds causes a 36% slowdown in people walking everyday. People traffic.
